Failure Is Not An Option
by jayer
Summary: Reid is in trouble and Hotch will do whatever it takes to help him. Whether Reid wants it or not.  Post Corazon
1. Chapter 1

Hotch stood at the window, looking out over the bullpen. They were between field cases, just working on consult requests and outstanding paperwork. The quiet before the storm that probably wouldn't hold off until after the weekend. Unsubs rarely considered the weekend plans of those on the other side when they did their work.

At first glance everything seemed to normal. Morgan and Garcia were up to their usual, semi HR inappropriate banter as she collected files from some and handed out files to others. Prentiss was working though a file with Seaver.

And then there was Reid. Reid who had slipped in right on the dot instead of his usual few minutes early. Reid who had taken to wearing his sunglasses until he got to his deck. Reid who didn't think anyone noticed the almost hourly aspirin hits sometimes for 3 to 4 days at a time, the even darker circles under his eyes, the way his clothes were hanging off his already too skinny frame or the long moments of closing his eyes and flinching like he was in pain.

Maybe the others hadn't noticed. Or perhaps just one or two 'isolated' moments. But he certainly noticed. He noticed very time. It was part of his job to notice. He had hoped after eight years Reid would be over his issue, his paranoia, that everyone was looking for proof that he was unfit. That he couldn't handle the job. That he was weak. He had hoped that Reid had learned to trust them to have his back, whether the problem was a gun at his head or something else.

Clearly he was wrong. Something was going on with Reid and Hotch knew he had to act. He had to know what was going on. For the sake of the team and especially for Reid's sake. He's refused to admit there could be a problem once before. Hotch had had proof that Tobias Hinkle was a drug addict, and the likelihood that Reid had been forcibly dosed with something from the works the CSIs found in the cabin. He hadn't wanted to believe that there might have been more drugs, that Reid might have removed them. But Reid had had opportunity and his behavior afterwards was questionable. Hotch wanted to believe that Reid was resisting the urge. That it was withdrawal not use. Hotch couldn't bring himself to believe anything else. He was relieved when Reid didn't deny attending meetings. When eventually the kid pulled himself back together.

But it happened again and again. Each time Reid slipping, each time refusing to ask for help, each time a little worse than the time before. And this time it could break Reid into a thousand unfixable pieces.

Hotch knew he had to act. He knew that he had to know. Even if it meant desperate measures. Measures that might get him fired, certainly make Reid and perhaps the rest of the team hate him for life. But if it kept Reid in one piece, it was worth the risk.


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't feel comfortable doing that."

Hotch sighed.

"I mean, Sir." Kevin stuttered. "You're asking me to hack into private records on an agent."

"I know that Kevin." He had to be very careful with this. He wasn't exactly following protocol and one wrong word would get him at least suspended and Reid landed in the middle of a witch hunt.

"I wouldn't be asking if it wasn't important." Hotch explained. "But something is going on, something possibly very serious and I need to know what it is so I can stop it."

"You think something is wrong with Agent Reid?"

"Yes, I do."

"Oh man, that's not good. Penelope adores Agent Reid. She'd freak out if something happened to him."

"Yes she would. Which is why I can't ask her to do this. Just the idea that something might be wrong with Reid would upset her.

"Penelope always said that you were just as good as she is and I know that you respect and care about her and even though the two of you broke up you wouldn't want her to be upset."

"Well yeah." Kevin admitted. "She's still a friend."

"Exactly. So will you help me help Reid?"

Kevin paused for a moment. "You aren't trying to get him into trouble are you?"

"No, I'm trying to keep him out of trouble. I promise." Hotch said firmly.

"Then I'll do it."

"Thank you, Kevin." Hotch felt his phone vibrating in his pocket and pulled it out. He punched a button to pull up the new text message. "That's Penelope, I have to get back. Find out whatever you can and send me a message when you have it." Hotch laid a business card on the desk. "And Kevin, I don't have to tell you that discretion is super important. If word of this gets out, Strauss could find out and fire Reid on the spot for even a hint that there's a problem."

"Understood sir. I won't let you, Agent Reid or Penelope down." Kevin extended a hand. Hotch gave it a firm shake and left.

It was a dangerous move having Kevin Lynch hack into Reid's private life. But if it worked, then the end justified the means. And in truth, everything he said about Garcia and Strauss was true. Penelope would flip out and Strauss was never particularly fond of Reid being on the team. She'd love the chance to fire Reid, or at least send him off to a desk job. Either of which would crush Reid. The BAU was more than just his job it was his life, his family. Hotch understood that feeling. He felt pretty much the same way. He loved his team as much as he had loved Hailey, as much as he loved Jack. He needed all of them. If he lost the team it would be utterly painful. Moreso for Reid whose own family was more or less nil.

Hotch caught his reflection in the glass wall by the elevator.

"This is the right thing to do." He told himself. "Reid needs help whether he asks for it or not." But, Hotch had to admit, he was nervous about what there was to find.


	3. Chapter 3

"Okay Buddy. Time to go back to sleep." Hotch smiled into the camera. "I'll be home real soon."

"Okay Daddy. I love you." Jack kissed him through the phone.

"I love you too Jack." Hotch blew a kiss back. He waited until Jack disconnected the call before going back into the bull pen.

"Everything okay?" Dave asked.

"Jack had a bad dream."

"Ah." Dave nodded. "Sometimes only Daddy can make the bad things go away."

"Exactly. Thankfully we have video calls these days."

"Speaking of sleep. It's getting late. And we have nothing." Dave left the rest of his statement unspoken.

Hotch walked over to the table where the team was re-reading case files simply to feel like they were doing something. He could see the tension hanging over them like a dark cloud. Dave was right. Without something else to go on they were just rearranging deck chairs.

"Okay, it's late. Let's call it a night. Get some sleep and look at this with fresh eyes in the morning."

"I won't argue with that." Morgan practically leapt out of his chair, grabbing his jacket. Prentiss and Seaver both stretched and gathered up their stuff.

"Hey Reid, come on." Morgan called out.

Hotch walked up to Reid who was still sitting at the table, obvious.

"Reid." Hotch gave his shoulder a soft shake.

"What?" He seemed unaware that he'd zoned out, pretty much asleep sitting there.

"We're packing it in for the night."

"Oh. Right."

As Reid reached for his bag, Hotch noticed a long gash on Reid's neck. It looked as if Reid had been scratching himself, perhaps unaware he was even doing it. He'd rubbed the skin raw and bleeding.

"What?" Reid caught Hotch looking at him.

Hotch considered saying something but the team was nearby and he didn't want to cause a scene. "Don't forget your jacket."

Hotch let Morgan drive their SUV to the hotel. Seaver was quiet in the back. Rossi, Prentiss and Reid were in the other car.

The drive gave him time to think. The scratches by themselves weren't a total cause for alarm. Sure they looked like self mutilation which was not uncommon for those with depression, anxiety, or any one of a number of other disorders. It was also possible that he was having an allergic reaction to a new laundry detergent. Hotch might have believed something so innocent if not for the growing pattern of issues.

Only earlier that day Reid had blown up at Morgan during lunch for hinting that he thought something was wrong with Reid. Even Hotch had noticed that Reid was playing with his food more than eating it and didn't read anything into Morgan's inquiry. He had been about to ask himself. But Reid jumped all over the other agent and walked out of the diner. The others passed it off as Reid's lack of appetite as logical, given their morning of looking at the brutal and grotesque photos of their victims - a half dozen 10 year old boys who had been violently tortured and sodomized before being choked to death. Still Reid's angry response and his refusal to even look at Morgan for the rest of the day unnerved Hotch.

"Good Evening Sir." The young man at the counter greeted him. "How can I help you?"

"Aaron Hotchner. We should have rooms waiting for us."

"Yes sir, I have a request for six single rooms listed. Unfortunately we have a convention in town and only had 4 singles and one double available. I have a note that one Penelope Garcia was informed of this and said it wouldn't be an issue."

"We can share." Prentiss spoke up. "I mean, if that's okay with you."

"Sure. Whatever." Seaver nodded. "I'm so tired I think I could sleep through the Second Coming."

The young man nodded, relieved. He quickly printed out some paperwork for Hotch to sign and handed over the room keys. The ride up to their floor was quiet.

"Up and ready to work at 7. Keep your phones on in case anything unexpected happens." Hotch handed out the keys, careful to make sure he gave Reid the room directly next to his own.

Unfortunately for Reid, the walls in the hotel weren't particularly think and Hotch was well aware of it being after midnight before the young agent turning off the tv and hopefully trying to sleep. Hotch was also aware of Reid waking up at 3am and from the sounds coming through the walls, vomiting at least twice. He'd been tempted to go knock on Reid's door but he suspected any attempt to help would be taken poorly.

The next morning, Hotch couldn't help noticing Reid's disheveled appearance, the blood shot eyes he quickly covered with his sunglasses or even how he ordered only a bowl of oatmeal and not his usual bacon and eggs with a side of toast and a bowl of fruit. Reid was careful to eat the whole bowl before anyone could say anything. And he joined in the conversation, but his comments seemed forced and not the usual verbal flood of facts he was known for.

Hotch stuck to Reid for the rest of the case as subtly as he could. He checked his phone as often as was possible without being noticed, waiting for a message from Kevin. Hoping the tech was able to find something that would tell Hotch what was going on with young Spencer Reid.


	4. Chapter 4

"Is this seat taken?" Hotch paused in front of the table in the corner.

"Uh, sir." Kevin half jumped out of his seat. "I, uh."

"Easy Mr Lynch." Hotch said softly.

"Sorry, sir." Kevin laughed nervously. He looked around as Hotch sat down.

"No one is going to think twice about two agents who have worked together catching up over a cup of coffee."

"Right." Kevin reached into his bag. "I did as you ask. Everything's on this."

Kevin handed him a small flash drive. "Don't worry, this is more secure than printouts. I put a password on it in case someone else picked it up."

"And the password?"

"The name of our mutual friend. His full name. As Da Vinci would write it. With a numerical touch." Kevin grinned at his cleverness.

Hotch considered Kevin's clues. Clearly he meant Reid. And of course Hotch knew the agent's full name. It wouldn't be written directly in Ital- no wait what was it he heard Reid say once. Yes. That Da Vinci wrote his notes backwards, leaving spies wondering how to crack a code that merely needed a mirror. But the last part.

"A numerical touch?"

"It's one of Penelope's favorite tricks. I'm sure she mentioned to all of you." Kevin grinned again.

Hotch wanted to berate the technician for not just telling him. But at the same time he might need more help and didn't want to alienate or offend. So he would play along.

"Penelope's favorite trick for writing passwords." Hotch said to himself. "Of course. She would replace the vowels with numbers.

So many precautions, very smart." Hotch tipped his coffee in a salute. "For the sake of expediency, are there any highlights you can give me."

Kevin leaned in. "I did like you asked and started with Agent Reid's medical insurance. From the look of the codes listed he had his annual physical about four months ago. The only thing that stood out was an ultrasound."

"An ultrasound?"

"The code listed doesn't say what for. But they are used for a lot of stuff. Stomach ulcers, knee injuries. I looked back and he had one about a year ago also."

"After the gun shot wound." Hotch recalled how Reid was shot in the leg by an unsub and how he manipulated his clearance papers to come back to work. "Anything else?"

"Yeah. But not on his insurance papers."

"So where was it?"

"His bank records. I went back over the past two years. Other than rent to a mid range single and quarterly donations to some hospital in Las Vegas, Agent Reid's monthly expenses are pretty tame. Groceries, book store, clothing perhaps once every two months and then rather cheap. Gap, Banana Republic type stuff. Handful of dinners out, movies a time or two a month. Standard record of a guy with no girlfriend, no real life, and no overly expensive sense of taste."

"But?"

"But starting about six months ago I noticed several charges from various hospitals. Places not really in his area or near work."

"Like he was going out of his way to avoid seeing anyone that knows him."

"Exactly. And I guess it's good that he has no life because the charges aren't cheap."

"And he's not charging them to his health insurance."

"Nope. He's probably scared the insurance company would report it to the Bureau."

Hotch sighed. "I can't exactly go and ask his doctors what it was about."

"No, you can't. The only way to find out what was going on is to see his records. Which would mean getting into the hospital computer system."

"Kevin, I don't suppose you would"

"Hack into the systems and find Agent Reid's files." Kevin grinned. "I knew you were going to say that."

"You already did it."

"That's part of what took me so long. I had to code a ghost program to keep anyone from back tracking my intrusion. I even randomly took a bunch of other files so no one would figure out which one I was really after. If they could figure out my trail at all. Which they most likely couldn't."

"Was there anything in the files?"

Kevin shook his head. "I only looked at a couple of the early ones. Both were complaints about headaches. Ones that lasted whole days. They did blood tests, MRIs but according to the files, there was nothing wrong."

"Nothing?"

"That's good right. I mean at least you know he's not dying of a tumor or something."

"Yes, that's good." Hotch nodded. He pocketed the drive. "Thank you for your help, Kevin."

"Sure. I mean anything to help out a friend."

"If I can ever repay the favor, please be sure to ask."


	5. Chapter 5

Hotch tucked the blankets around his sleeping son. He paused at the doorway, taking a long moment to watch Jack sleep. He was curled up in the fetal position, his hands tucked under his chin. Hotch recalled countless times he had looked up and seen Reid sleeping in that exact same position, thinking to himself 'just like Jack'.

Hotch sighed. He had put off looking at the files long enough. And he needed to look at them. He needed to scour them and with hope find some overlooked tidbit. Some test that showed that Reid had some curable disease or condition. Hotch needed it to be that. Because a tumor, a blood clot, these were things they could see and identify. They were things they could fight and no one would think any less of Reid because such things just happen. Completely out of his control, completely impossible to blame him for.

Hotch plugged in the drive. A window asking for the password popped up. Remembering Kevin's clues Hotch slowly typed: d13Rm41ll1Wr3cn3pS.

Hotch's stomach churned. He hated doing this. He felt like he was stabbing Reid in the back, prying into his life. That this was someone he concerned a friend, part of his family. It made him feel dirty. Like some sort of sleazy pedophile peering in windows watching teenage boys masturbating in their rooms. More than once he closed the file window, pulling out the drive, even one time almost dropping it in the running garbage disposal. Only to go back to his computer and with shaking hands typing in the password again.

"You're trying to help. He'll understand that." Hotch said, his voice catching when his eye caught on the photos on the corner of his desk.

There in the middle of them was a snapshot of Jack and Reid. The team had been in need of a fun day and Hotch had invited them to come watch Jack's first Tee Ball game. JJ and Will were even there with Henry. They had a big picnic. Jack was beyond hyper, thanks to way too many cookies. Reid and Morgan started chasing him around the picnic area, Reid eventually catching him and tickling him. Will caught a shot with his cell phone and emailed it to Hotch. Hotch had printed it out, amused by the glee in Jack's face. Now all he could see was the maniacal delight on Reid's face, a devilish grin Hotch couldn't remember seeing in ages.

"Please understand Reid. Please don't hate me." Hotch said to the photo as he opened another file.


End file.
